No Gods (and Precious Few Heroes)

It has come to my sudden realization that I have not been communicative lately. Well, there's plenty of reasons for that, and I will try to outline them here. I have seen and heard more than enough to know that I will forever be vilified by a few, despised by some, and hopefully recognized for being human. And in a positive way.

I should like to think as I've been able to reflect in recent months about what kind of person I am. I realize after this, I'm an imperfect creature who is still looking forward, even as we are being forced again, and again, to look back.

Why?

Well, we do have a thing for nostalgia, the past. We cannot ignore it, but living there will kill you. I've seen it happen enough.

So what happened after Anime Con? Well, I had a grand time, and I'll do it again. Also, it's time for yet another shameless plug:

Oh, think I'd let that get away? Nope, right over the bridge I'll go and be at the Farm Show for FourCon. Table B-15!

The Stack. Neat to look at her this way. All six of my published works, right there. You can see them all at this website, buy them, and find out more. I hope you will come see me at my table, because I will have a deal for you.

Okay so there's that. Now that's out of the way, what is happening?

Well, I can't talk publicly, but I had to resign from the Radio PA Network after almost 13 years there. With my leaving of the network, and the WITF building where we were housed, that was the end of a good time.

I also learned I was never one of the Cool Kids, but I knew that already. The game has passed the old dogs by, but if we adopt, adapt and improve, we stay on.

I went back to work for a wire service that remembered me after 19 years. That's scary. But I'm back to writing and editing, and loving it. That, plus radio news work and seeking some more things to do. I'm not done yet.

Atop that, I've rather enjoyed working from the home studio, almost exclusively. I appreciated it during the pandemic, and I do even more. Kao is wondering why I'm around so much more, but she got used to it.

I'm writing, too. A lot of energy is going to the news thing, but we have enough. I'm again rewriting Book 4 of the Sweet Dreams Series, and it will be more of an historical work, as Aki recovers from the loss of her powers, the madness, and we discover what really happened to her mother.

Lot of work, research and a slow process.

New book coming, which I'll discuss later because I'm not sure 100% on cover, release date and stuff. It needs to come out soon, but we'll see.

I'm also dealing with a long, slow depression. It's not new, but this one seems to be an on the fringe version, where it's there and it reminds you of what you are, who you are, and what do you fucking think you're doing, man?

Remember, all the shit you did in your life. Remember those things, for your karmas are coming home to remind you of that.

Well, if I have not already apologized and atoned for so many dumb things I did in my life, I'm not sure what else I can do, but say, yes, I'm guilty of saying things I should not have, I'm guilty of things I did I knew better of, and if you want to think you can punish me the rest of my existance, you go right ahead and think that.

I really don't give a fuck what you think, or believe you can do about it.

Takes us to now, doesn't it? I'm reminded that people used to bitch that we can't have an opinion anymore, we can't do this, can't do that. Bullshit. We can, you're just too busy bitching.

We have since learned the latest Internet sensation is a fraud. A guy who didn't even write his silly anthem has, with lots of money, a think tank, and payola suddenly become a thing.

Let's keep us divided by the neckbearded incel who rips people as elitists just because they live in the Northern states, where I was born and raised, and choose to remain. Let's destroy those on SNAP, and whine about what people spend those few dollars on. Let's judge everyone because we can, and keep people divided. But don't you dare say a word, mind. They have a right, but we don't.

And how about the 27-year-old manbaby who murdered a mother of nine kids because of the rainbow flag outside her business? Don't like someone's views? Shoot them. It's the American Way, now isn't it?

Not to me.

Billy Bragg has written the answer song for generations to bring us together. If you do not like unions, fine. Just remember: WE are A UNION, every one of us is a UNION of (shudder) THE HUMAN RACE.

In the interest of fairness, you look him up on Youtube.

This one tells all, from the Scottish perspective, but it fits for a world gone a bit off the track.

Now...I write all this as I navigate my own illness, and realize this, if you will, that I am a person imperfect. I'm not the nicest person. I'm not the most social person. I'm better behind a mic than I am in person, and I realize my limited social skills must make you uncomfortable, creeped out, even scared of me.

I feel bad about the last one. I've been told I scare people, or that my image is one that puts that out. I suppose it is a defensive mechanism, but if you get to know me, I'm sure I'm not so bad.

I am Me. I am growing old in the body but not the mind. I hope. I write because I love it, and I think I have some good stories to share with you. My books are forever in search of readers, and it's not because I want the money. Sure, that's nice when it comes, but I want to see greater benefit. Liking my books because they're good stories, all that.

I can't complain if people don't buy, don't leave reviews, etc. How it goes. When the time is right, so it is.

Scares a lot of people, it does. I am sensitive to friends who have fled social media entirely. An autistic friend has gone away, and they've sadly felt nothing but derision and hate for the fact that they are autistic, and dared to share their work and ideas.

Really small fucks that trash a person for being who they are. We all do it, even if we don't mean to. It's the ones who must attack in all directions because they feel so threatened.

We are at a tipping point on this planet. Don't like where I stand? Fine, go away and play someplace else. Just remember that I do believe in karma, and what you do will come back on you.

Always does. My karmas are indicative of the consequences of my actions, good, bad and indifferent. I live with it.

Suffice to say, despite the madness I honestly feel all to damned often inside me, I'm giving it my best. I still do exactly what I love doing. I get more fulfillment and satisfaction being who and what I am, than any money or anything else.

If that makes you wonder what's wrong with me, well, believe me, you do NOT want to walk in my shoes. Take my word for it--you'd kill yourself in no time.

I'm still here, and I'm going for my best life. There is still a real joy in living. Each day, I remind myself this one doesn't come again. Do your best, put in the work, and don't hate yourself.

Don't beat yourself down because you didn't write the next chapter in the next Great American Novel. That you didn't make a shit-ton of money at that book event. That you did not score all the points you needed to get to a new level. Fuck it, if you did your best today, then you did your best.

The isolation I feel is not bad. I was told I need to get out. Well I do--more than you think. If you're sitting near me while I write, or check my messages and/or edit stuff, hi...you're busy, I'm busy, we're good.

And again, we are the union of one race, the human race. We are undefeated and undivided, if we so choose.

Peace, Out.