Where Have I Been All This Time...?
So it has come to pass that I have not blogged one time in 2022, so I guess I better do something about that. I'm supposed to be visible, active, and in your eye in order to promote all these things I do.
Quite honestly, we are all still recovering. From the pandemic, from our work, financial, emotional, and I daresay deeper feelings and views of our lives.
The "Carry On" mentality has gotten rather old, hasn't it? I have been from my perch able to watch, listen and take in far too much the past two-plus years of the pandemic and everything that has come with that. We've had ourselves tested, we have...we've found ourselves suddenly unable to handle a new dynamic, an insidious virus that has sickened many of us, and taken too many.
And yet, all we can do is bitch and complain.
We rail about wearing a mask, not being able to go where we want, not being able to get what we want, the second we want it anymore. We attack anyone that gets in our way, refuse to listen to reason and think just because we're who we are that it makes us special.
It doesn't. I like you, have had to more than once deal with shortages, missing product, closures, etc. Most of it doesn't really bother me, because there's always an alternative to that thing wanted, and maybe waiting a bit is not so bad.
Of course those who have ranted and raved about being under some kind of 1984-like dystopian nightmare are the same people who want to tell all women what they can do with their bodies, what church you may go to, what books you may read, and who you may care about in an intimate manner. Contradiction is lost on the stupid.
And we all want to move on, everyone should shut up and let them live in their little bubbles, give them what they want, how they want, and when they want.
I really hoped, we, as a nation might grow up. We failed.
So that's where I see us as a world, and I hope still there's time we might right the ship, and save what's left for the future generations, because my adult nieces and nephews, and their kids are the ones who will clean up the mess we left behind.
I find as we have returned to some sense of cohabitation, that I have changed to realize that I was at times like the above, and I must accept further the changes I know will come. It's not the end of all things, if the little things don't work out. You keep going. Not move on from the important shit, but let the little ones go.
And here we are...mid-June. I have been busy; work has kept me going in this mad business of mine, and I broadcast here and there and all over the place in an effort to pay the bills, do more work on my house, and keep the passion flying.
Oh, you will find this interesting. I'm not what I thought I was.
Over the course of nearly all of my life, I have struggled with my identity. I still don't really know who I am. I have spent, partly through my writing, but also through my own self-examination, a lot of time, years in fact, trying to figure out what this vessel of mine is, and what to call it.
I am Non-Binary.
That's it. I no longer identify as male or female, because I have traits of both. We all do. Every one of us has male and female characteristics, just different percentages or amounts. They manifest in different ways.
I went through questioning myself, even as a child, wondering, why do I feel different? I'm not like other people. I have elements of others in me, yes, but what on earth is it that makes me this?
Does that mean I'm gay? No. I am attracted more to women than men, that is true. When you are younger, your hormones are not always fully together, nor do you know what they are doing. You don't know either because you don't have maturity or experience. We are also conditioned to believe this is this, that is that, etc.
I do not have gender dysphoria--I have friends who do. It is painful for so many to be called something they know they are not. I generally still see myself as male, I have more masculine features, etc., and that's fine. I'm good with that.
Much like my years in theater, we are all dressing up, showing off, performing, posing. We do it every day even if we're not conscious of it. I didn't write this to say, "Look at Me," I'd rather you look at what I do and what I offer.
So back to the main thing for a second: I'm no different. I'm the same person. If Male/Female is all that's there for a check box, fine, I choose Male. I'm cool with that, but I respect other's wishes to be what they want.
You can call me "He/His," it's fine. "They/Them," that's okay, too. Just remember--treat me like you want to be, and you will get that back.
That cool? Good.
If you are still reading this, know that I've still found myself going through my identity of wishing I was someone else, but realizing, this is me, this is what I have to work with, and I will do that.
I'm sure you're gonna ask: does it change my views on sex, who I'm attracted to, want to be with?
No. Not one bit.
What we all dream about, watch, write about, fantasize over...it does not happen that way. Just doesn't.
In my writings, relationships are not always what you think. People are attracted to one another pretty much as I recall it happening to me. Sometimes it's fast, sometimes you just didn't know what was there, and often we lose it. Usually, it is for the best, as sad as that can be at times.
I no longer have any real attraction for anyone. Not a physical one that is for sure. Yes, I know what I think looks good on me, and I do watch other people, to figure their sense of style, how they carry themselves, and what I gather from that makes very good character descriptions.
Now...let's get to the fun part:
Check it out, all...before you my five works of art, plus a compendium of Pandemic Think Pieces. Since 2013, I have released contemporary fiction, young adult, time travel and slice of life material, and I'm happy to say a few people seem to like it.
"Searching for Roy Buchanan" and "Call it Love" are the first two volumes of the Sweet Dreams Series, and the third, "Shake Hands with the Devil" is coming soon.
I'm headed to Sci-Fi Valley Con next weekend! If you have read my blogs before you will have seen my reports from the road, and there will be more.
I don't know if "Shake Hands..." will be available but either way I hope to make new friends who have returned from the pandemic, and gas prices be damned! It's time to have some fucking fun!
I am still writing..."Shake Hands..." will end the first part of the saga in style, and then we go from there. I've been writing non-stop for 15 years and I am not done! So much to offer you, to work on, and so forth.
Now, getting back to things of a personal nature...
We lost Baldrick earlier this year. This is one of the last pictures I took of him. You can tell he is not himself here. He slowly faded, and I was able to get a hospice vet to come and gently send him on his way. He had to be 20 years old if not more. I had him in my life 18 years. A great cat, and I miss him. I still feel I see him around the house.
Kao is now the Queen Bee, and she quite likes it. She has been more outgoing and friendly since Baldrick passed, and while they didn't always get on, they accepted one another. Kao has watched four cats leave in the past few years, all due to age. People have asked if I will get another cat, but I don't think so. Kao likes being the only cat. And I find I don't mind that.
Shoutout to two fabulous poets and great friends. Dustin Nispel let the Dharma Fools come and play at his gallery in York all those years ago when I promoted "Parasite Girls." He now lives near me in the Harrisburg area, and we hooked up for a Brown Posey Press Show on his work.
Juelz is a fellow that I met through a school event, and this week I recorded his audiobook of new poems. Here are two guys with very different styles, from different walks, but both are amazingly talented, and great friends. Much respect to both.
I'm producing podcasts for Sunbury Press Books, and the Brown Posey show that I talked of is like the others; we now pre-record and I get to do the post-production. The shows are sounding way better, and with each of these we all learn a lot more about writing, about this art of ours, and why we do it.
I am constantly inspired to keep writing, keep working, and not quit. My books and my stories are things I work hard at, and I'm proud of them. Proud to put my name on them, and to try get you to read them.
It all comes back to that crazy show I did for all those years, you know, the one that opened my eyes, my creative doors, my mind...don't dream it, be it.
Hell, fucking yes.
By the way...
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